Errant Thoughts
by Lady Jane's Muse
Summary: One-shot about Jasper's thoughts on Bella's first visit to the Cullen house.


A/N - I'm having a hard time with a chapter on one of my other fics at the moment and decided that I needed a break but didn't want to get out of practice so I turned to Twlight and this is the result. This is basically a one shot dealing with Bella's first visit to the Cullen house, written from Jaspers POV and following the book rather than the film. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Jasper." Alice tapped on their bedroom door gently, speaking quietly through the oak panelling. She knew he could hear her but he made no reply. To an outsider, it might seem strange for her to be knocking. It was her room just as much as it was his. Probably more so. She had been the one to furnish and decorate it. It was her clothes that dominated the large wardrobes. However, earlier that morning he had asked for some time alone and the least she could do was oblige him.

Between her visions and Edward's mind reading ability, their family had precious little individual privacy. Sometimes their abilities were extremely useful but even she could see how being told what would happen before it actually did and having your questions answered when they were just thoughts rather than words could get a little annoying. Still, there was asking for time alone and then there was brooding. So far, Jasper had been alone in their room for over four hours. Edward was out of the house so she had no way of knowing for certain what he was thinking. All she knew was that whatever he was brooding over didn't involve making a decision on what action he was going to take. Until he made a firm decision, she was effectively blind and blindness made her impatient, hence the tapping.

"Jasper, I know you're still in there. Can I come in?" Alice asked, only to be met with more silence.

Impatience was starting to turn into infuriation and she couldn't help crossing her arms and tapping her foot in a similar rhythm to the one her hand had made against the door. It only lasted a few seconds though. Before she knew it, a feeling of calmness surrounded her and she relaxed her stance automatically. A rustle of clothing at the top of the stairs made her look towards Esme who had previously been watching with an anxious look on her face. Now, she wore an expression of pure serenity and there wasn't a trace of tension in her body. Although it wasn't words, Esme took Jasper's communication via his emotional influence as a good sign. She smiled as she nodded her head towards the door, encouraging Alice to go to her man before she turned to go downstairs.

Not bothering to knock again, Alice twisted the door handle and entered their room. Rather than sitting on the bed or sofa, Jasper had decided to sit on the floor. His back was resting against the side of the bed with his long legs stretched out in front of him as he faced the window, gazing out at the forest that surrounded their house.

"Are you really feeling calm or is this just for my benefit?" Alice asked as she crossed the room.

"Well, I could feel you starting to get all worked up out there, darlin'," he replied with the barest hint of a southern drawl in his voice. "That just wouldn't do at all."

"Oh really?" She asked as she settled in his lap, legs straddling his. She pushed his blond hair back out of his eyes before her arms came to rest around his neck. "And why's that?"

"Because there's no sense in you getting mad at me. Not yet anyway."

"I'm not going to get mad at you. Nothing's going to happen, Jasper." Alice replied.

He looked away, not able to meet her gaze when she had so much confidence in him and he had so little. His arms wrapped around her slight frame and when he pulled her towards him she didn't resist but he didn't know whether it was her or himself that he was trying to comfort. His hands rubbed small circles against the base of her spine and he kissed the top of her head before leaning his own back against the bed. He looked at the ceiling rather then at her when he spoke. "Maybe I should just leave the house for a bit."

"No." Alice said immediately. She wished it could have been a vehement protest but in the emotional fog he was creating it came out as a gentle sigh against his neck.

"Just for a few hours. I'll come back when she's gone." He tried to sooth her with his words and another burst of placid tranquillity which he didn't feel himself. He didn't want to argue with her but he didn't see any other sure way of coping. "If I'm not here, then I can't hurt her."

Jasper had thought he had seen pretty much everything in his long unlife but he had never before seen a vampire in love with a mortal. It confused him. He didn't see why, out of all of the human beings walking around on planet earth, Edward would be so spell bound by Bella Swan. He didn't understand what made her so different. He didn't understand how anyone in their family could look on her as anything more than a potential meal. It was just wrong, unnatural somehow, for any of them to care so deeply about one fragile, little human girl but care they did. If he had had his way, it wouldn't even be an issue. The girl would have been dealt with long ago, removed in a way that implicated none of them. It would have been easier that way. Edward would not have had the chance to fancy himself in love, Alice would not have gotten it into her head that she would have a new friend and he would not have to endure the torture of having a human being in his home when he wasn't sure that he would be able to resist the lure of the hot, rich blood that pumped around her veins.

"You won't hurt her." Alice said before sitting up a little straighter. She shook her head slightly as if to clear away the fuzz. "Jasper, you have to stop. I can't talk to you when I feel stoned."

"Vampire's can't get stoned," he smiled assuredly. He and Emmett had done more than a few experiments during the hippy era without managing to feel any buzz at all. Still, he did as she asked and reigned in the calmness he was projecting, allowing her to feel her own emotions rather than the one he was creating. "Better?"

"Yes." she nodded before reaching out towards him. She tilted his chin to make him look at her again rather than at the ceiling. Her golden eyes met his in an intense stare as she tried to figure out what he was thinking. "I thought we talked about this? It's going to be okay. Bella is going to have a nice visit. You don't need to leave the house."

"Your visions aren't perfect, Alice. Sometimes things change at the last minute. Edward's made it perfectly clear that if I do anything to hurt her, I won't be welcome here anymore."

"What did he say?" Alice groaned. She normally spotted any significant disagreements between her family members before they actually occurred but she had been so busy concentrating on visions of Bella's visit that she had missed whatever had happened between her brother and her lover.

"It doesn't matter what he said. He overheard an errant thought or two and it upset him."

Jasper was glad when she didn't ask him what his thoughts had been. It would have been too hard to explain without making her angry. She could probably guess that his musings revolved around his thirst, that he had day dreamed of ending Bella's life in a way that would be pure pain for her and pure pleasure for him but he had a feeling that Alice would be more than shocked if he revealed all of his thoughts to her,

Their little coven was essentially made up of three couples and Edward. Living in such close quarters meant that Jasper was used to feeling and contributing to the love and lust that regularly filled the house. He also knew for a fact that Edward heard the thoughts behind those emotions. Although he may try to act like a gentlemen, Jasper knew that Edward's mind was assaulted with pornographic images on a regular basis and when Emmett and Rosalie were in a particularly playful mood, there was nothing funnier than watching the embarrassment on Edward's face. Jasper and Emmet had both told him on many an occasion that he wouldn't get so embarrassed if he would allow himself to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh occasionally but Edward had stubbornly stuck to his old fashioned morals.

Now that Edward had found his one true love, Jasper had expected that to change. He didn't exactly expect Edward to be able to do the deed without killing the fragile girl but he at least thought that he would think about it. Curiosity made him watch the pair as they sat together in the school cafeteria. Lust was definitely present on her side. When he studied Edward's emotions however, the lust he expected to find was strangely muted. There was love, he couldn't deny that, but the lust Edward felt was overshadowed by fear for the girl's safety and protectiveness. At the time, Jasper had been confused. If Edward was in love with Bella, why was he not in lust with her as well? Was the smell of her blood the only thing drawing him to her? Did he not think she was pretty? Did he not find her attractive? If not, what could all the fuss be about?

For the first time in decades, Jasper found himself really looking at a human being. He noticed that Bella's brown eyes were large and expressive. Her equally brown hair looked shiny and soft. Her build was slim but the soft swell of her breasts and the shape of her thighs was appealing. He supposed that, for a human, she was rather attractive after all. As he watched them talk, a blush crept across her cheeks making her even more appealing. He wondered how Edward could stand to be so close to the heat of her skin without succumbing to his thirst. He imagined what it would be like to kiss her soft, plump lips without baring his teeth. He imagined the frustration of running his hands over her naked skin, feeling every vain, without allowing himself to lose control. He imagined what it would be like to give in to carnal pleasure with someone so warm without losing his mind. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do it. Edward was either infinitely stronger than him or just a fool if he thought that he would be able to do that. Then Jasper imagined what it would feel like to be satisfying both urges at once, to be moving inside her while her blood spilled. Venom pooled in his mouth as he thought of the taste of her, of the sweet cloying liquid that would slip down his throat, finally quenching the thirst he had been battling for so long. Lust stirred in the pit of his stomach as he thought of her heat wrapped around him, trembling in ecstasy, as he drained her life.

With errant thoughts like that, he could understand how Edward might get a little upset. He couldn't blame him. If Jasper ever thought that Edward was having similar thoughts about Alice he wouldn't have been able to stop with just a verbal warning. No, his warning would have come with teeth and pain. That was the difference between Edward and him. Edward was all about fairness, gentlemanly behaviour and good conduct. Jasper could be about those thing too, when he put the effort in. However, when it came to protecting the things he cared about, he was speed and strength and wrath. He wouldn't have been able to stop with merely a warning of 'I can't stop you from looking but don't you dare touch'.

It was ironic really, if you thought about it. How many times had he taken the life of a young girl without her permission? Yet, the taking of their virtue at the same time was something he had never even contemplated before. He knew he was a monster beyond all redemption. His soul, if he had one, was destined for the fiery pits of hell but it was when he was trying to be good, abstaining from his true desires, that he had his most evil thoughts. At least he realised they were evil. Edward hadn't needed to voice his concerns for Jasper to know that those kinds of wicked thoughts should never be acted upon and should be banished as soon as they were born. He would have forgotten all about it in fact, if Edward hadn't confronted him about it. Another irony. The thoughts that Edward detested so much were repeating because Edward had reminded him of his impulsive musing.

"They're going be here soon. Bella will think you're rude if you don't at least say hello." Alice continued, oblivious to the dark thoughts that plagued him.

"Why should I be worried about being rude? Rosalie isn't worried." Jasper pointed out.

"That's different." Alice replied with a pout. She had spent hours trying to convince Rosalie to accept the situation but Rosalie had steadfastly refused to take part in what she called Edward's charade . Rosalie was just as sure of Bella's demise as Jasper seemed to be but rather than fearing a lapse in her own resolve, Rosalie only feared what would happen afterwards when they had been exposed by Edwards rashness. Despite Alice's assurance that the family would not be in danger, Rosalie was determined to distance herself from it all as much as possible but, in Alice's opinion, the less Jasper distanced himself and the sooner he got used to having the human around, the better things would be for him. "Please, Jasper."

"Alice…" He may be able to manipulate her emotions, but Alice had also had plenty of practice in getting her own way as well. How many times he had bent to her will just because of the way she smiled at him or the tone of voice she used or the way she touched him?

"Please. For me." She continued before stopping his refusal by placing one of her perfectly manicured fingers against his lips. "You can't leave the house every time she comes here and she will be spending more time here as her and Edward's relationship progresses. Besides, she's going to be my friend. Eventually, she will be one of us. I want you to like her just as much as I do."

Maybe I already like her too much but in completely the wrong way, Jasper thought but he kept this thought to himself as well. Alice took his silence as an indication that he was coming around. Her lips curled into a small smile as she traced the shape of his with her fingertip before leaning in to kiss him. The kiss started light and playful but her hands were soon buried in his hair and he held her in a tight, passionate embrace. Any remaining calmness he had been projecting soon dissipated and was replaced by lust and she could think of nothing else but her desire for him. She began to get lost in the moment but the sound of Edward's car pulling up outside their house brought her back to reality. She fought against the emotion she was feeling and broke their kiss but she couldn't help the small moan that escaped her lips as he pulled her back towards him and kissed her neck.

"You're not playing fair."

"Where's the fun in that?" he asked, trailing kisses along her collarbone. "Wouldn't you rather stay here with me, doing this, than saying hello to some stupid school girl?"

She moaned again as he moved his hand between their bodies to massage her breasts. In answer to his question, her body was saying a definite yes but the part of her mind that was still functioning knew exactly what he was trying to do.

"Jasper, you have to stop." She said for the second time that day.

He kissed her once more and, with a sigh, he let his hands drop. "Sorry. Thought it was worth a try."

The lust in the room didn't completely vanish. There was no way that he could kiss her or touch her like that without it having an effect on her but she knew that what she was feeling now was natural and not something he was amplifying. "As distractions go, that was pretty good," she smiled, letting him know that she wasn't angry at him. "but I still want to go and say hello to her. I want you to say hello too. I promise that you won't hurt her."

"You're not going to give up, are you?" he sighed.

"Nope." She shook her head. "We can just go down stairs, welcome her to the house and then we can come back here and you can try distracting me again."

"Oh, really?" he asked, a playful glint in his eyes matching her own.

She smiled seductively but before he had a chance to pull her in for another kiss, she jumped up and held out her hand for him to follow.

Realising that it was futile to resist any further, Jasper took her hand and let her tug him towards the door. With each step they took towards the kitchen, the scent of Bella's blood got stronger. With all of the human children occupying the school, he rarely got the chance to distinguish one scent from another as they all mingled together. As she was the only human to ever set foot inside their home, her scent was undiluted and for the first time he noticed the floral undertone that Edward had commented on and it smelt very nice indeed. Nice enough for his throat to burn, anyway and he mentally cursed Edward for bringing the human home. He had a feeling that even after she had gone away her scent would linger, continuing the torture for them all.

He had hoped that Alice would stay by his side in case he needed to be held back but as soon as they reached the top of the stairs and Bella came into view, her enthusiasm got the better of her. He could only follow slowly behind as she ran down the stairs and came to a stop in front of Edward and Bella. Jasper didn't know who was more surprised when Alice actually kissed the girl on the cheek. For a second Edward looked absolutely appalled and his expression immediately brought a film quote to Jasper's mind.

'I just don't like other people touching my things' Jasper thought, knowing from Edward's glare that he recognised the line as well as the mocking tone his mind took as he imagined Edward saying the words. The silent communication lasted just a moment and by the time Bella looked at Edward, his expression was neutral even if his emotions weren't. Jasper could sense the growing protectiveness Edward was feeling towards the girl and well as the annoyance Edward was directing at him. If Edward thought he was going to try an mimic Alice's actions, he was mistaken. Jasper had no intention of standing any closer than absolutely necessary and definitely did not plan on touching Bella at any point during her visit. At hearing these thoughts, Edward relaxed slightly but Jasper knew that there would be an element of uneasiness about him until Bella was deposited safely back at her home again.

"You do smell nice. I never noticed before." Alice said as she stepped away from Bella.

She saw nothing inappropriate in the comment but Edward and Esme looked positively mortified while Jasper fought the urge to smile. Trust Alice to come out with a compliment like that. He knew that she was trying to be nice but reminding the girl of what they were was hardly the best way to put her at ease. He expected a wave of fear to wash over him as Bella realised that she really was in a room full of vampires but what he actually felt emanating from her was extreme embarrassment. He couldn't believe it. Did this teenager have no self preservation instincts at all? Not only had she willingly come into the monsters lair, as it were, she was about to make it even worse by blushing. The thought of her hot blood rushing just under the surface of her skin, turning her cheeks a rosy pink was enough to make the venom pool in his mouth and he knew that he had to do something to help him stay in control.

He did the only thing he could do. He sent out a feeling of ease and contentment. Within nano seconds her embarrassment was gone. Her heartbeat slowed slightly and her skin remained pale and creamy. He briefly flirted with the idea of increasing the effect to the point where it would put her into a childlike slumber for the duration of her visit but he doubted that Edward or Alice would thank him. His doubts were confirmed when Edward looked at him, one eyebrow raised, as if trying to send him some kind of silent warning.

Resisting so many temptations, he took one last step towards her.

"Hello, Bella," he said, keeping his greeting short and simple

He didn't concentrate on her reply, choosing to stay aloof and keep his distance. It was easier to control the thirst that way but even he could not tune the conversation his family were having out completely. When she said something about Edward being able to do everything, Jasper couldn't help but laugh a little. He wondered what tricks Edward had been performing to give her that impression. Sure, Edward had saved her life and had speed and strength that no human could possess but he was hardly infallible. If he wasn't so busy pumping out good vibes for the girl, he would be tempted to poke around her emotions to find out how much of what she felt was love and how much was merely infatuation.

That was something that would have to wait until another time, though. As Edward settled at the piano, Jasper felt Alice's arm snake around his waist. She stood on tip toes as if trying to whisper something in his ear when really she barely even reached his shoulder.

"I think that went rather well for a first meeting. I told you, you would hurt her. " Alice's voice was too low for Bella to hear but from the encouraging smiles he received from Esme and Carlisle, he knew that his family heard her words perfectly.

"We should leave them to it," Esme whispered before moving towards the kitchen with Carlisle following closely behind.

Their steps make no sound on the wooden flooring and Bella seemed oblivious to their movement.

"Sounds like a good idea." Alice said. It had all gone well so far but even she did not want to tempt fate by making Jasper struggle more than necessary. "Besides, aren't you supposed to be trying to distract me again?"

"I think I can manage that." Jasper smiled, pulling her towards the stairs as he conjured up some of the lust he had been directing at her just a few moments before.

They practically flew up the stairs, each imagining what they wanted to do in the privacy of their room. Again, Bella was oblivious of their leaving and the only indication that Edward heard their passing or their thoughts was a brief fumbling of the piano keys which Jasper doubted the human would even notice. Once more, Alice was right. Distraction was exactly what he needed and, over the next hour, he managed to get so distracted that he forgot there was a human being in his home at all.

* * *

A/N - Thanks for reading!


End file.
